Wonders Never Cease to Amaze Me

There are certain conflicts that happen in your life for a reason, you only see this after a long period of your life has passed by, and you can look at the situation objectively. For me, I think success was something that I was deathly afraid of. I think I was afraid of greatness, and I would in turn sabotage certain things knowing what the outcome would be. I used to do it in relationships, I would set things up so the only possible course of action was failure. I once told a girl I was dating at the time to put her picture up on match.com. Not because I was still on the site dating people, but because I was afraid of failing. If I sabotaged it, then I couldn't make it fail. It would creep up in all aspects of my life, and I would always do things to sabotage greatness because of this fear. I used to do this because I was afraid of success, of greatness. Deep down, I always knew I could do it, and I could make it, but I never put the yeoman's effort into something which I though would garner great things. Instead, I put in the minimalist effort, and often took the minimalist approach to get from point a to point b. It was part of my nature, something that time has helped show me, and expose my flaws.

Yes, I did graduate at the top of my engineering class at U-Mass. Yes, I did start a business when I was 20. Yes, I did design telescopes for space, but in all those parts of my life, I was still not living up to my full potential. I would do just what it took to get by, and nothing more because nothing more was asked of me. I would not put in the hard work, or the effort needed to accomplish something great in my life, because I was frankly, too aloof. I don't know what did it, or how I finally got the spark going, but now I am not only accepting success, I am striving to reach it. I am taking the world by the horns and saying

"You want to fuck with me, lets go, I'm ready for ya ;)"

I have been through triumphs and tragedies that you read about or watch on DVD. I have lived a life up until this point that has had moments of greatness, but never completely great, I was always crashing and burning. Right now, the direction I am headed, is a great one. My rudder is straight for the first time in ages, and I am completely psyched to sail ahead into the great unknown.

As I have written in my previous blog, I am in the middle of starting up a business. In fact, I was up until 2am last night working on the business plan that I presented to the VP of North Shore Bank today. I am not looking to take out a ton of money, just enough to fund a decent garage and I will see where it goes from there. As of right now, I know I can make the current location we have work, and I have worked out the numbers for the future projections of the business. If we follow our core business model, and are able to open up multiple locations, I think franchising can happen. That is way to far ahead of me right now though, but it is what the potential can be, not what it is currently.

I also am going to be teaching a few college courses next semester, and it is something that I am really finding enjoyable. On the horizon, once I get the business up and running to a point where it runs efficiently, I am going back to school to get my MBA. I am shooting for the top though, Sloan or Harvard. I want to get the education there not because of the prestige, or because I worked at Harvard, but because it is the best business education you can get in the country and it is in my backyard. I would be a fool not to apply to those places, and try to make a go of it. Besides, once this business is up and running, my resume will look pretty impressive for someone who is 40 years old. I will have owned my own lobstering business, designed telescopes for space and worked for NASA, worked on an artificial heart, have a Harvard or MIT MBA, and started my own business which will be franchised in the future. Not too shabby for a schlub military brat growing up.

That is what I see on the horizon, that is where I see my future going, that is what I want to do not only for myself, but the family I will have one day. I will move mountains if I have to, I just need to get started and make things work. The best part of it all is that I get to take my sister's family along for the ride and give them a better life in the process. I couldn't be happier or prouder of the man I am in the process of becoming.

Here is my favorite poem, and a few lines from it. I used to try to read it to straighten the rudder of my ship, for inspiration, for the drive. I have the drive, the fire is lit, when it gets put out? Nobody knows, but this is a great start to a wonderful book!


BTW, here is the verse I was just thinking about. . .

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

As I cash out my 401K and my life savings for this business venture, it rings true. I once tried to start my own business, a lobster boat by the name of Cormorant. I was 20, young and immature. Now, with an additional 20 years under my belt, I have the wisdom and the foresight to do things right this time. I am now starting a new chapter, one which I am happy about and anxious for. Who knows, one day you may hear my name in the halls of good businessmen. I am not one for legacy, I want my legacy to be a family that I love and adore. . .but it would be nice to have the rest of it too :)


Peace Out,
Michael