Yet Another Obstacle to Overcome in Life

Well, for those that know me, you know the past 6 weeks or so have been quite trying on me physically. I have has a numbness on the right side of my face, along with a numbness in my left leg, and I have been to the doctors numerous times to try and figure out what is causing the symptoms. I at one point was convinced I had; Herpes, Lyme Disease, Shingles and any number of other brain/nervous system disorders, all of which came up negative in tests. I went for an MRI about 2 weeks ago, and I just found out the diagnosis from the MRI yesterday, an "abnormality" in my brain which is most likely a cyst.

In some aspects, it is a relief because I can now look towards a treatment to the problems/symptoms I am having, but in the other aspect it is very scary. After doing some cursory research, and looking at the solutions to the issues, it appears as if brain surgery is on the horizon for me in the near future. I have an appointment with the neurologist on Monday, and I am hopefully going to have a better understanding of what exactly is in my brain and causing these symptoms. It will hopefully remove my numbness, nausea, and the over sensitivity of my nerves I currently have.

This is but yet another obstacle in my life I will have to overcome, a life that had consisted of a series of tragedies to go along with a lot of triumphs. I nearly died in a car accident when I was 18, lost a lobster business I started up in the "Perfect Storm", and have been through many different setbacks over the years. Somehow, I always manage to land on my feet and I continue to grow through each experience for the better.

It is the Buddha mantra that there is no good or bad in life, only being, that I like to follow. If I was never in the car accident, I would not have started my business in the lobstering industry. If the storm never happened, I could still be a lobsterman, uneducated, and I never would have been able to work on some of the cool projects I have worked on in my life. I can say that there are 2 different telescopes orbiting earth which I not only designed the mechanical systems for, but also assembled, tested and basically put together from scratch with a lot of help from some great people. As for this incident, I am not sure what good will come of it yet, but there will be good to be found. There is something great about finding the good in life, and it is something I take pride in.

I do hope that everything works out, that the "abnormality" is just a cyst and is not cancer, but even if it is, and even if I only have a short amount of time left on this world, I can still say that I enjoyed every bit of it. Being a godless soul means I don't believe in an afterlife, I believe that what I have in front of me is of my own making, and my own decisions. I am the only one that can control my actions, and I can not control the actions of other people. I understand that sometimes people view life as not being fair, but it is all just a game of random statistics. I could just as soon be hit by a car and die tomorrow, or I can live until I am 150 years old. Not being on this earth is a saddening thought, I will not have a child of my own, I will not be able to see my niece and nephews grow up, but in the same breath, I have also lived a great and fruitful life. I have know what it feels like to love unconditionally, and I have been loved. I have had a great life, and I will continue to have a great life as long as I am breathing on this planet.

Now it is time to read a great book, one that I read about a year ago. The Last Lecture, it is something I will read again, because it may be poignant in my life in the near future. I don't hope for that, but I can come to grips with it if the worst happens.

Peace Out,
Michael