Why Does it Matter?

I was thinking about this over the past few days, and I am trying to come to grips with part of my personality, it is a part that sometimes is a hindrance to my advancement in society, as well as in relationships general. Why do I care what other people think? Does it really matter in life if someone doesn't view the world in what you deem reality to be? Take two people who are on opposite sides of the political spectrum, and you will see the same person. They are both ignorant to their own faults yet with opposite viewpoints, why does this bother me as a person? Is there something I can personally do about it, and even if there is, why bother going through the motions when people are obviously never going to change their mind?

I am thinking about specific people when I come out with thoughts like I did above, and all I can say is at the time, when these reality clashing views came up, I thought it was important to take a stand on my version, and for what I believed was true in life. I wanted to live in reality, to live in the hear and now, and I did not want to prescribe to some sort of psudo-psychological reality someone came up with to justify their own behavior. For me, living in reality means accepting life for what it is, accepting the fact that I do not have all the answers in life, yet trying to understand all there is about life itself. Knowing that I have made mistakes, dire mistakes in life, and coming to grips with those actions in order to learn from them. Accepting who I am and the reasons why I do things in life.

When I come across someone who I care deeply about, I sometimes want to share what I deem is a gift I have, a gift of life, a gift of being able to see life for the reality that is it. Once you remove all the BS from life, once you remove all the walls, and the masks people place around themselves, you can truly see what life is all about. . .and it is absolutely AMAZING! The feelings I get when I take a walk through the woods, and completely become part of nature is truly awe inspiring.

This weekend, I went to Walden Pond and I simply took a walk. I downloaded Thoreau on my iPhone, and I started to walk around the pond. I was listening to what Thoreau had to say about life, about work, about the land and about the area, while seeing and smelling the exact same sights and sounds he was as he was writing his book. It was something that was truly inspiring to me, and it was something that I want to continue to do. The "gift" I have, the one where I can see life for what it is, allows me to remove all the hidden agendas from society and to really understand what is going around me. It is very spiritual in nature, it is being part of the moment, part of the history of that area, and accepting your lot in life no matter what. It is understanding that at that moment in time, in history, you were there and experienced the feelings that you have.

It makes me feel great when I can actually be in tuned with the world around me. When I can shut out the noise and the random chatter of every day life, when I am tuned into everything around me, when I am part of the moment, it is moments like that which I will cherish for ever. I think some of the readers may have an idea of what I am talking about. Picture the first time you held a nephew, niece, or better yet your own child in your hands. Think about the feelings of warmth, of joy of happiness you felt when going through that moment. It is how I try to look at life, and how I try to enjoy it. Is it wrong to want to share those feelings with people you care deeply about? Is it bad to try to get others to look at the world with a similar eye? Or, is it just as bad for me trying to get someone to look at life as I do, just as a Christian proselytizing their views onto me? It is something I am trying to come to grips with now, and something I am trying to figure out by examining myself.

There are certain people that come in and go out of your life for various reasons, but your family is always there. That is why it is doubly frustrating when you are trying to get someone you love with all your heart to come to grips with the real world around them. When you can look at someone you love, and see the pain, the torment they are putting themselves through, how can you not help but opine on their situation? Is it wrong to tell them what you perceive their issues are, and offer suggestions on how to make themselves happier? When you do this, sometimes, the person will turn into the most hateful and nastiest person you could ever imagine. All of the horrid characteristics of man come out in one last ditch effort to brush away the truth, the reality they are trying not to face. You can see and feel the hurt and the pain they currently have to pass through to see the other side, because you yourself has been there before. You understand the torment that you went through as a person in order to come to grips with the reality around us. Am I, better off as a person just letting go of these feelings, and accepting the fact that the vast majority of people will never look at light in the same eye?

People may never understand the beauty in a phrase by Kant, an equation by Einstein, or the artwork of DaVinci, because they are too self absorbed in their own life, in their own thoughts and their own feelings. Is it bad of me to want them to see the beauty in life instead of the pain, the suffering, the hurt, and the turmoil? At what point do you cut your ties, and just walk away from a person, never to hear from them again, simply because they would not open up their mind out of fear. Or is it me who is suffering in the pain and torment of watching a loved one go through their trials and tribulations because I am not willing to sacrifice my worldview? Which one of us is right, and is there a definite right answer to any of this?

These are the questions I often ponder, as I sit awake at night, and post messages on crackbook. As I watch the local sports team on TV, or listen to the white noise of the discovery channel, I am constantly churning these type of thoughts through my head. What is life all about, and where are the answers to it all? I love my life, I love who I have become as a man, but I also know I am fallible, and this understanding has me questioning my own modus operandi more than most people. Who knows what the answers are to the questions I ask? I don't have the definitive answers, but I will continue searching through knowledge and understanding of life and human nature, it is how to grow and come to grips with life itself. . .well, at least in my life, it is how I deal with it, for others, it is a choice they make.

Peace Out,
Michael