Why ask why?

That is a question I am thinking about at lunch time today. Why even bother to ask why? What purpose does it do to ask questions in life? Isn't an Manichean world view of black and white easier on everyone? Yes, it definitely is easier, it always will be easier, but easier is not necessarily better, and it can actually be detrimental to living a healthy life, and to evolving both as a society and as a species.

Here is another little story from my youth, one which was a day that changed my world view (I guess that is the theme this week). I was in the 3rd grade, and I was going to CCD (Catholic City Dump as we used to call it, or the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine as the Pope would like others to know it.) For those who don't know what CCD is, it was like Sunday School, but during the week. Anyway, it was a day after my friends father had passed away, and in CCD we just happened to be going through the sacraments. We were learning about the Last Rights, forgiveness, and death according to Catholic doctrine, and what happens to our souls when we die. Well, my friends father passed away at work from a massive heart attack. He was sitting at his desk one minute, then dead the next, in his early 40's. I to this day remember the conversation I had with the nun, because it had a profound impact on both what I believe in, and who I am as a person today.

I asked the nun, Sister Michelle (or the anti-christ as we used to joke), what happened to my Uncle Al? I used to call him that because he was a close family friend, and I grew up with his daughter who has cerebral palsy (I actually went to her prom as her date, but that is a story for another blog). Sister Michelle's reply was:

"If he sinned before he died, he is not in heaven because he was not forgiven for his sins by a priest."

This completely dumbfounded me, and I did not understand at all. Here was a man: who I loved, was a great Catholic, went to church every week, raised his daughter and family well, that was not going to heaven because he died at work. I asked her about confession, and why someone who killed a man gets go to heaven if he confesses his sins, yet a great person doesn't because a priest didn't give him his last rights. She sternly told me that is the way god works, and it is just the way things are. If he sinned before he died and was not forgiven for his sins, he was in purgatory. She said that is why we should never sin because we will end up in purgatory. I argued some more, and was forced to spend the rest of the class in the corner for questioning her authority. It was then, that I realized I didn't like church, and I hated going ever since. It was that moment that helped shape my position against religion, or more acutely the Roman Catholic Church.

As I grew older, began reading, and became more accustomed to both the gullibility of man, as well as the deceitfulness of man, I came to see how religion could be used as a tool to control the masses. People WANT to believe, I WANT to believe, I want to think there is something after I die, and I desperately WANT that to be true. . . but what if there isn't? What if the masses have been lied to all along? What if Jesus was just a mortal man, a great man who tried to change society for the better, but was instead used as a pawn in political game of chess?

Do you see why it is a LOT easier in life to NOT ask why? To NOT question what you were brought up with? I would absolutely LOVE to be a believer in religion, I would LOVE to believe in God. There would be nothing that would make me happier in life than to give up all the questions I have, just be told what to do, and to do it. Life would be so much simpler, so much easier. There would be no deceit of man, no hidden agendas, no backstabbing, but then again, no reality. . . there is the conundrum people are faced with, and religious people in general. You can believe what you are taught in church, that man is indeed great, that there are great people in the world, and you should strive for greatness yourself, but through experience we see things differently. We see the lies and deceit man is capable of. We watch as politicians play with peoples lived in a game of who has the bigger dick. We see how a few people on Wall Street can force an entire country to pay double for gas prices simply because they want to make more money, the first billion wasn't enough. We see the greed in man every day.

In church, you are taught to be people of faith, to have faith in fellow man, to understand what pure kindness is. A lot of them walk out the door and do the exact opposite of what they are taught. They lie, cheat, steal, deceive, and act like everything Jesus was against. They then go to church on Sunday, confess their sins, act holier than thou, and continue the pattern. They NEVER look inside themselves for the real issues, or the real problems in their lives. They never come to grips with a sense of self, of worth, because they know that if they worship some deity, they will be given an afterlife of eternal bliss.

Sometimes I want that bliss, that naivete which can only come about from being unaware of your surroundings. It is a much simpler life, but it is not as colorful. It is much more Manichean than the actual gray of reality. There are no definite right and wrong answers in life, and I can't find all the answers to life in a single book. Instead, I find my answers through experience, knowledge, and asking the questions in life. Why is there religion in the world, who benefits from it, how do they benefit? Is it a net positive or a net negative on the world? Do people realize when they are being played? manipulated? Does it matter to expose the charlatans for what they are, or should you just let them continue on in their game?

You see, I am not against organized religion at all, and I do acknowledge a ton of good they do. I want to believe in a god, but my mind won't let me. I want to have that black and white world view, but Pandora's box is now open, and I can't shut it. Sometimes life is simpler by not asking the questions in life, it is easier, and it makes people happier on the outside. . .but I am more concerned about what is inside people. I am more concerned about the true sense of self, the Michael that lives, not the Mike that was. I NEED to ask these questions in life, because it is how I live my life. I have to understand the problems with power, with man, with corruption, so I can wrap my hands around the reality of the situation, not the psudo reality that exists on the surface. This is all done through asking simple questions. It is why I ask questions, and it is why I constantly ask why.