What makes us who we are?

As some people know, I grew up in the military, and I moved around a lot when I was younger. I have often wondered how many of my friends turned out, and what they are up to in their lives. Some of my fondest memories as a young teenager came from when I lived in Illinois, on Scott AFB. It was the only time in my life when I was completely immersed in the military culture. I saw what life was like for a lot of military brats, such as me. I made some great friends, and some have had definite impacts on shaping who I am as a man today. It is strange when you think back to how different relationships helped shape who you are as a person in your own life, and how meeting people from all different walks of life help make you a more rounded individual.

The spring and summer of '86 has a special place in my heart, not only for how I viewed life then, or how naïve I was as a young teenager, but it was before I was really acclimated to the triumphs and tragedies of life. It was before I stole my parents car, and drove from Maryland to Boston (in August '86). It was before I suffered the true heartache of losing your first love, and it was before I was reintroduced to the stomach punch sports loss (yes before the dreaded Buckner game). Heck, it was a time that Roger Clemens was a young 20 something phenom who started the season 10-0, not the lying, steroid taking bum he is today. It was the summer when I still had my innocence, when I viewed life with a different outlook, and they are memories I will never forget for as long as I live.

Why am I writing about something that happened to me over 20 years ago? Well, it has to do with what I said in the first paragraph of my blog today. It has to do with reacquainting with people, with people who I always thought were great, with people who I considered true friends. No one from that era had more of an impact on me, on my life, and who I am today than my first girlfriend. She was the person I always compared other girlfriends to, not because she was my first girlfriend, but because she was such a great person. First off, she is a year older than I am, so how I ever got her to go out with me back then is beyond me. I was a cocky little kid who liked to moon people, write crazy things like “eat me” in sun block on his chest as he baked out in the sun, and break into the pool in the middle of the night. I was a teenager in every sense of the world, still naïve to reality around me, and trying to experience life or what I thought life was at the time. She was gorgeous, smart, the scholar athlete (she could beat me at track, and most likely still can) but the thing I remembered most about her was that she was fun. She took me water skiing, she showed me a lot about life, about love, about nature and she was just as much a teacher as a friend. In every sense of the word, she was a great person, great for me, and she taught me a lot in life.

Now, 23 years removed from that time in my life, I can look back on my decisions, on the mistakes I have made, on my triumphs and recognize the impact she had on my life. I absolutely love the outdoors, camping, nature, kayaking, basically anything outside. I like red headed women; I like smart people, and women who challenge me. In fact a lot of what I have always looked for in not only a woman, but in people in general, came from what my memories were of her. Is someone smart? Are they adventurous? Do they like the outdoors? Are they doers or watchers? I think a lot of my “criteria” in looking for a good woman always went back to the memories I had of her. It wasn’t because of how she looked, or how smart she was, but more importantly, because of whom she was.

It is interesting to re-examine the impact people had on your life at certain points, and what they brought to the table. Some people teach you more about yourself than you would ever want to know. Some people are great for you, some are caustic, and some are just poisonous. There is no rhyme or reason as to what each connection you have with another human being will be like. Some people you can instantly connect with on this deep guttural level, where you have this power or draw over them, and they you. Others are just passer by’s in the night, and you will not think of them again in your life for what ever reason. The ones that make an impact on who you are, the people who make you want to better yourself, those are people you need to surround yourself with. I try to surround myself with great people, sometimes I slip up, and let someone into my life who isn't great, but for the most part I am a pretty good judge of character.

It is great to get in touch with people you haven’t seen in a long time, and especially people you cared deeply for. People that you thought were great when you were younger, especially when you realize that even at a young age you were still a decent judge of character. Well, she has actually turned out better that I would have ever imagined, she is still as beautiful as I remember, is brilliant, funny and athletic. She is as competitive as they come, and plays a mean game of cribbage. From talking with her over the past week, I have come to find out that we have a LOT of things in common. Things like love animals, nature, the outdoors, hiking, kayaking and I could go on and on. It is too bad she lives 3000 miles away, because the person she turned out to be is very close to the person I am looking for in life.

This is what got me thinking, and where my train of thought is right now. Am I the way I am because of knowing her for that brief time in my life and latching on to something I found endearing in her? Or is it because we both had similar outlooks or world views and we were bound to do the things we enjoy doing now? I am constantly looking inside myself to try and understand the decisions I make in life, why I made them, and how to make better decisions in the future. It is how I like to grow as a person, as a man, and how I become better at life. It is why I read Kant, Jung, Nietzsche and other philosophical masters. I am constantly delving into my psyche and trying to figure out why I think like I do, why I enjoy certain things that I do, and what separates me from others who think differently. Was it because of the experiences I had in my early life, the relationships, companionships and friendships that allow me to feel things in life?